+ Bullies: Stand Up for Yourself and Others

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I made a great discovery at Barnes and Noble today: a table full of “American Girl” books to help girls negotiate the world around them.

This is the one I came home with: “Stand Up for Yourself & Your Friends: Dealing with Bullies and Bossiness, and finding a Better Way.”

This small book is addressed to “Dear Reader,” and tells us

No matter who you are, it’s hard to get along with everyone all the time.  There will always be people who challenge you, whether it’s an on-again, off-again friend or a classmate who’s teasing you.  Being bullied can feel downright hurtful, and when it’s happening to you it’s hard to know what to do.

There’s no one right way to handle bullying.  That’s why this book gives you lots of tips to try, such as clever comebacks, ways to ignore someone who bullies, and ways to get help from an adult you trust.  You’ll find advice from girls who have been there, and you’ll learn how to stand up for other people too, when they need it most.

We can all do our part to make the world a kinder, safer place.  After reading this book, you’ll know that one person can make a difference — and that person might just be YOU.

The first section “Is it bullying?” suggests scenarios (“A girl comes up to you in the lunchroom and says…”) and the reader can circle either “Yes, it’s bullying” or “No it’s not.”  There are Answers: Yes, Maybe, Absolutely, No, It depends…

Then “What does a bully look like?”   Also ”Spot the difference,” where we are told “Being bullied feels bad.  If it doesn’t feel this way, it’s not bullying.”

Then, a section on “Why people bully.”  There are stories from the trenches, from girls who have been targets.

The next section is “Standing up for yourself,”  which begins “There is no one right way to deal with bullying.” 

Then “Just ignore it.”  And “How to speak up” with a “big important point:”

None of these comebacks contain words that can get you into trouble with grown-ups.  You have a right to defend yourself, and there are smart ways to do it.  Just be sure you speak up in a way that solves problems and doesn’t create more.

Then, a quiz: “What’s your speak-up style?” with a), b), and c) style answers to given scenarios.  The a) style tries to steer clear of trouble– she has a challenge finding her voice; b) knows how to get her needs met while considering the feelings of others– she can be a role model; and c) has no trouble telling people how she feels, but sometimes pushes people away.

You will find “Words that work;” and then “Staying strong at school,” with notes about what NOT to do.

Then, “What if it’s not working?” — more options, with suggestions.  Step 1 is reach out; step 2 is keep track; step 3 is heads up; step 4 is give a warning; and step 5 is enough is enough.

Next, “Getting support:” suggests that you keep talking, or show team spirit, or “pour on the fun.”

“Powerful reminders:” how about a motto or a mantra or a reminder?  Then there are stories of “Girls who stood strong.”

An important “Standing up for others” and “Being a good bystander,” “Telling vs. tattling,” and more stories: “Girls who stood up for others.” 

And then a quiz: “What do you stand for?” with questions for you to answer “agree” or “disagree.”

And finally: “Changing friendships.” Talk to your friend, stay open, watch and wait, focus on other friends.  “Big important point:”

Not all friendships will last a lifetime.  In fact, that’s very rare.  Over time, some of your friendships will deepen, and some will slip away.  Don’t be afraid of changing friendships.  They allow you to change and grow, too.

“What do you do?” with scenarios, such as: “You make a mistake.  You shared a secret…”

And then “Shining bright:” “Give a warm smile.”  “Offer a compliment.” “Give second chances.”  ”Laugh at other people’s jokes.” “Stand up for them when they need it most.” “Send a kind note.” “Apologize — and mean it.”  “Give a hug.”

And lastly: A pledge to sign:

SHINE. 

• S…tand up to put-downs
• H…elp those who are being bullied
• I…nform adults when I need to
• N…ever use my computer or cell phone to hurt others 
• E…ncourage my friends to stand up against bullying too

Inside the back cover, a pullout for parents, with “10 Big Truths About Bullying” for Parents.

1. Communication is key
2. There’s no substitute for staying close
3. Children learn what they see
4. Media matters
5. “Cool” doesn’t equal confident
6. Rough times build resilience
7. We all have limits
8. We all make mistakes — kids and parents alike
9. Laughter heals
10. It takes a village.

This book has much more great information for your child.  Take a look.

“Stand Up for Yourself & Your Friends: Dealing with Bullies and Bossiness, and Finding a Better Way,” by Patti Kelley Criswell, illustrated by Angela Martini.  Published by American Girl Publishing,$9.95.

tutoring in Columbus OH:   Adrienne Edwards   614-579-6021  or email  aedwardstutor@columbus.rr.com

+ Help Kids Make the Most of Summer!

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From the Johns Hopkins School of Education, which sponsors the “Center for Summer Learning,” some information:

• All young people experience learning losses when they don’t engage in educational activities during the summer.  Research spanning 100 years shows that students typically score lower on standardized tests at the end of summer vacation than they do on the same tests at the beginning of summer.
• Most students lose about two months of grade level equivalency in mathematical computation skills over the summer months.  Low-income students also lose more than two-months in reading achievement, despite the fact that their middle-class peers make slight gains.
• More than half of the achievement gap between lower and higher income youth can be explained by unequal access to summer learning opportunities.  As a result, low-income youth are less likely to graduate from high school or enter college.
• Children lose more than academic knowledge over the summer.  Most children — particularly children at high risk of obesity — gain weight more rapidly when they are out of school durning summer break.
• Parents consistently cite summer as the most difficult time to ensure their children have productive things to do.

 Numerous studies show that summer learning opportunities improve academic outcomes for youth.  Early and sustained summer learning opportunities lead to higher graduation rates and better preparation for college.  Summer programs have also been shown to positively affect children’s self-esteem, confidence, and motivation.

High-quality summer programs keep students engaged in learning, teach them new skills, and allow them to develop previously unseen talents.  They allow children to form relationships with caring adults, help them stay fit and active, and foster creativity and innovation.

What parents Can Do to Keep their Kids Sharp

1. Locate some kind of summer program.  There are high-quality summer camps and programs in almost every price range.  Schools, recreation centers, universities, and community-based organization often have an educational or enrichment focus to their programs.  Think about establishing one yourself!
2. Visit the library.  Find out what interests your child and select book on that subject.  Participate in free library summer programs; make time to read every day.
3. Take educational trips.  These can be low-cost visits to parks, museums, zoos and nature centers.  When you’re planning your vacation, consider places with educational possibilities.
4. Practice math daily.  Measure items around the house or yard.  Track daily temperatures.  Add and subtract at the grocery store.  Cooking is a chance to learn fractions.  Everyday experiences can be fun and interesting, while giving kids opportunities to learn the skills they need.
5. Get outside and play.  Limit TV and video game time, just as you do during the school year.  Intense physical activity and exercise contribute to healthy development.
6. Do good deeds.  Students learn  better and “act out” less when they engage in activities that aid in their social-emotional development, such as community service.
7. Keep a schedule.  It makes sense to continue daily routines during the summer and to continue to provide structure and limits.  The key is providing balance and keeping kids engaged.
8. Prepare for fall.  Find out what your child will be learning during the next school year by talking with teachers at that grade level.  Preview concepts and materials over the summer.
9. Find out more at www.summerlearning.org .

 The Mission of Johns Hopkins School of Education ”Center for Summer Learning”

The Center’s mission is to create opportunities for high-quality summer learning for all young people.  Based at Johns Hopkins University School of Education, the Center is committed to expanding summer learning opportunities for disadvantaged children and youth as a strategy for closing the achievement gap and promoting healthy youth development.

The Center trains over 2000 summer program providers annually, reaching more than two million children each year.

What you can do to help:

Become a program provider.  Visit www.summerlearning.org.  

Get the word out and use the research.  Reach out to funders, decision makers, partners and the media; share the research to demonstrate the need for and effectiveness of high-quality summer learning opportunities.  

Enlist support from community partners.  Host meetings to discuss how you can work together to support young people in your community during the summer.

Parents should demand more options for and better access to high-quality summer learning programs from local leaders.  In addition, help to pass legislation that make summer learning programs a priority.

Sopris West’s Summer Reading Camps: One Possibility for Your Community

Sopris West’s Summer Reading Camps are concentrated four-to six-week programs that have been shown to significantly improve the reading skills of elementary and middle school students across the country.  The camps are for students who will enter grades 2-6 in the fall.

Working just three hours a day for six weeks, Summer Reading Camp students have raised their reading levels significantly, as measured by the Word Identification section of the Woodcock Reading Mastery Test.  Every aspect of the Summer Reading Camp is classroom tested and based on the most effective up-to-date instructional information available.  Materials are research-based, and instruction is explicit and sequenced.

Teacher trainings are held for two days before your Summer Reading Camp Classes begin.  There are three separate trainings — one for teachers of the primary grades (grades 2 and 3), one for teachers of the intermediate grades (4,5 and 6), and one for teachers of middle school (grades 6,7 and 8).

Summer Reading Camps have been successfully held in many places, including Montogmery, Alabama, and Kent, Washington. 

Contact B.J. Wise, Director of the Closing the Achievement Gap Initiative, at 800-547-6747 (ext. 300), or email bjwise@sopriswest.com .

tutoring in Columbus OH:   Adrienne Edwards   614-579-6021   or email   aedwardstutor@columbus.rr.com

+ Web Sites to Stop Violence and Bullying

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This week’s offerings from EduHound’s “Classroom Tools and Tips”  deal with violence prevention:

• National Youth Violence Prevention Resource Center  –  A Federal resource for professionals, parents and youth working to prevent violence committed by and against young people.  www.safeyouth.org
• Stop Bullying Now!  –  Practical research-based strategies to reduce bullying in schools.   www.stopbullyingnow.com
• Kidscape:  Dealing With Bullies  –  Helping to prevent bullying and child abuse.  www.kidscape.org.uk
• NEA: National Bullying Awareness Campaign (NBAC)  – Its goal is to reduce, and eventually eradicate, bullying in America’s public schools.  www.nea.org/schoolsafety/bullying.html
• Maine Project Against Bullying  –  A survey of bullying behavior among Maine third graders.  http://lincoln.midcoast.com/~wps/against/bullying.html
• STOP cyberbullying – Information about cyberbullying, how it works, and how to deal with cyberbullies.  www.stopcyberbullying.org

source: www.eduhound.com Eduhound Weekly is a magazine for teachers offering valuable edtech resources to incorporate into K-12 classrooms.

tutoring in Columbus OH:   Adrienne Edwards   614-579-6021   or email  aedwardstutor@columbus.rr.com

+ Bullying in Fayetteville and Somewhere Near You

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In the NY Times, Dan Barry writes:

FAYETTEVILLE, Ark.

All lank and bone, the boy stands at the corner with his younger sister, waiting for the yellow bus that takes them to their respective schools. He is Billy Wolfe, high school sophomore, struggling.

Moments earlier he left the sanctuary that is his home, passing those framed photographs of himself as a carefree child, back when he was 5. And now he is at the bus stop, wearing a baseball cap, vulnerable at 15.

A car the color of a school bus pulls up with a boy who tells his brother beside him that he’s going to beat up Billy Wolfe. While one records the assault with a cellphone camera, the other walks up to the oblivious Billy and punches him hard enough to leave a fist-size welt on his forehead.

The video shows Billy staggering, then dropping his book bag to fight back, lanky arms flailing. But the screams of his sister stop things cold.

The aggressor heads to school, to show friends the video of his Billy moment, while Billy heads home, again. It’s not yet 8 in the morning.

Bullying is everywhere, including here in Fayetteville, a city of 60,000 with one of the country’s better school systems. A decade ago a Fayetteville student was mercilessly harassed and beaten for being gay. After a complaint was filed with the Office of Civil Rights, the district adopted procedures to promote tolerance and respect — none of which seems to have been of much comfort to Billy Wolfe.

It remains unclear why Billy became a target at age 12; schoolyard anthropology can be so nuanced. Maybe because he was so tall, or wore glasses then, or has a learning disability that affects his reading comprehension. Or maybe some kids were just bored. Or angry.

Whatever the reason, addressing the bullying of Billy has become a second job for his parents: Curt, a senior data analyst, and Penney, the owner of an office-supply company. They have binders of school records and police reports, along with photos documenting the bruises and black eyes. They are well known to school officials, perhaps even too well known, but they make no apologies for being vigilant. They also reject any suggestion that they should move out of the district because of this.

The many incidents seem to blur together into one protracted assault. When Billy attaches a bully’s name to one beating, his mother corrects him. “That was Benny, sweetie,” she says. “That was in the eighth grade.”

It began years ago when a boy called the house and asked Billy if he wanted to buy a certain sex toy, heh-heh. Billy told his mother, who informed the boy’s mother. The next day the boy showed Billy a list with the names of 20 boys who wanted to beat Billy up.

Ms. Wolfe says she and her husband knew it was coming. She says they tried to warn school officials — and then bam: the prank caller beat up Billy in the bathroom of McNair Middle School.

Not long after, a boy on the school bus pummeled Billy, but somehow Billy was the one suspended, despite his pleas that the bus’s security camera would prove his innocence. Days later, Ms. Wolfe recalls, the principal summoned her, presented a box of tissues, and played the bus video that clearly showed Billy was telling the truth.

Things got worse. At Woodland Junior High School, some boys in a wood shop class goaded a bigger boy into believing that Billy had been talking trash about his mother. Billy, busy building a miniature house, didn’t see it coming: the boy hit him so hard in the left cheek that he briefly lost consciousness.

Ms. Wolfe remembers the family dentist sewing up the inside of Billy’s cheek, and a school official refusing to call the police, saying it looked like Billy got what he deserved. Most of all, she remembers the sight of her son.

“He kept spitting blood out,” she says, the memory strong enough still to break her voice.

By now Billy feared school. Sometimes he was doubled over with stress, asking his parents why. But it kept on coming.

In ninth grade, a couple of the same boys started a Facebook page called “Every One That Hates Billy Wolfe.” It featured a photograph of Billy’s face superimposed over a likeness of Peter Pan, and provided this description of its purpose: “There is no reason anyone should like billy he’s a little bitch. And a homosexual that NO ONE LIKES.”

Heh-heh.

According to Alan Wilbourn, a spokesman for the school district, the principal notified the parents of the students involved after Ms. Wolfe complained, and the parents — whom he described as “horrified” — took steps to have the page taken down.

Not long afterward, a student in Spanish class punched Billy so hard that when he came to, his braces were caught on the inside of his cheek.

So who is Billy Wolfe? Now 16, he likes the outdoors, racquetball and girls. For whatever reason — bullying, learning disabilities or lack of interest — his grades are poor. Some teachers think he’s a sweet kid; others think he is easily distracted, occasionally disruptive, even disrespectful. He has received a few suspensions for misbehavior, though none for bullying.

Judging by school records, at least one official seems to think Billy contributes to the trouble that swirls around him. For example, Billy and the boy who punched him at the bus stop had exchanged words and shoves a few days earlier.

But Ms. Wolfe scoffs at the notion that her son causes or deserves the beatings he receives. She wonders why Billy is the only one getting beaten up, and why school officials are so reluctant to punish bullies and report assaults to the police.

Mr. Wilbourn said federal law protected the privacy of students, so parents of a bullied child should not assume that disciplinary action had not been taken. He also said it was left to the discretion of staff members to determine if an incident required police notification.

The Wolfes are not satisfied. This month they sued one of the bullies “and other John Does,” and are considering another lawsuit against the Fayetteville School District. Their lawyer, D. Westbrook Doss Jr., said there was neither glee nor much monetary reward in suing teenagers, but a point had to be made: schoolchildren deserve to feel safe.

Billy Wolfe, for example, deserves to open his American history textbook and not find anti-Billy sentiments scrawled across the pages. But there they were, words so hurtful and foul.

The boy did what he could. “I’d put white-out on them,” he says. “And if the page didn’t have stuff to learn, I’d rip it out.”

source: this is the article written by Dan Barry, in the NY Times on 3/24/08.  www.nytimes.com

Also online: A slide show of Billy Wolfe at www.nytimes.com/danbarry.

tutoring in Columbus OH:   Adrienne Edwards   614-579-6021   or email  aedwardstutor@columbus.rr.com

+ Meetup.com Can Be a Starting Place for Puzzled Parents

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A mom suggested that parents, professionals – or ANYONE — who wants to share or network in their local area might try to set up meetings through the Web site meetup.com.

She found a (business improvement) site which says

another tool that leverages the power of the large community of Internet uses within a specific geographic region is www.meetup.com.

As the name suggests, the site facilitates a way for people with similar interests to meet up locally.  This concept has really taken off in larger cities, with some groups numbering into the thousands.  Of course, at the other end of the spectrum are groups with just a couple of members, and I suspect that smaller groups are more productive.

To give you an idea of the type of interests that meetup.com caters for, a quick check for my region revealed groups for

• Entrepreneurs
• Graphic Design
• French language
• Investors
• Writers
• Stay at Home Moms
• New in Town

What a great way to use the power of the Internet.  I’m absolutely convinced that many new and lasting friendships have been forged through these meetups.  Relationships that probably would never have happened otherwise.  Now there’s no reason for anyone to feel alone in their community. [from Mercola.com]

This might be a way for parents who have concerns or questions about any number of issues to find help and strength.  And leverage, as the site said.

How about sharing experience and lessons learned on the topics of autism, asperger’s, dyslexia, dyscalculia + math issues, learning disabilities, diagnosis, remediation, local resources, IDEA and school law, medication pros + cons, coping strategies, behavior issues?

It might be worth a try.

source: thanks to Tonya for the thought and to the site she found www.Mercola.com, a business improvement site. 

tutoring in Columbus OH:   Adrienne Edwards   614-579-6021   or email  aedwardstutor@columbus.rr.com

+ Higher Test Scores for Girls: Take Music and PE

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In US News & World Report, Nancy Shute writes: 

As someone who loathed PE and would happily have spent her childhood in the school library, I feel a bit embarrassed to be lobbying for more dodge ball. But anyone who’s observed the behavior of children who have been cooped up inside all day versus those who have been running and jumping outside for an hour doesn’t need a study to know which ones are better equipped to learn.

For those who remain in doubt, two new studies indicate that what many schools now regard as expendable “extras”—gym class, music, art—may actually help children do better in academics like math and reading. Since the federal No Child Left Behind Act became law in 2002, school districts across the country have jettisoned what they consider expendable subjects in order to drill students on the basics. Now, scientific evidence is starting to accumulate that turning schools into kiddie gulags where tiny tots spend the day hunched over their desks in sad imitation of their parents’ cubiclebound days is actually counterproductive.

Girls who take more PE, it turns out, do better on reading and math tests. That’s the news from researchers at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. They looked at data on children across the country who entered kindergarten in 1998 and followed the children through fifth grade. Researchers found that girls who had more PE—70 to 300 minutes per week compared with no more than 35 minutes a week—showed small but significant improvements in math and reading. (They reported their results in the April American Journal of Public Health.) Boys didn’t benefit from extra PE, interestingly enough. That may be because girls are generally less fit than boys or because the amount of extra PE in many cases was relatively small. An earlier German study in which some children took 60 minutes of PE each day, compared with the control group’s 40 minutes a week, found that daily exercise improved boys’ and girls’ academic scores.

The neuroscientists are also weighing in with evidence that cognitive development—as well as academic performance—benefits from studying the arts. Three years ago, the Dana Foundation asked some of the biggest brains in brain research to study whether practicing the arts makes for better thinking. Their first report, a 100-plus-page tome called Learning, Arts and the Brain, didn’t nail down whether learning to play the violin, say, actually makes kids brainier or whether it’s the smart, motivated children who are more likely to put effort into practicing the violin. But the group’s research has uncovered intriguing hints at how arts may affect developing brains:

• Children who study music intensively (for 20 or more hours a week) were significantly better at geometry than children who studied theater or writing.

• The more musical training children had, the better they did at reading.

• The sustained focus needed to become good at a performing art such as music or ballet trains attention in a way that leads to improved cognition.

“Maybe children who are particularly good at geometry are also good at music,” says Elizabeth Spelke, a Harvard neuropsychologist who studied the connection as part of the Dana project. “But the causality could go the other way.” In other words, while no one yet knows if practicing an art will also make your kid a junior Euclid, the effect is strong enough that they’re going to keep looking.

Meantime, physical activity and art are two of life’s great joys. “Music is good and fun and engaging,” says Brian Wandell, the Stanford psychologist who found that the more musical training children had in the first year of a three-year study, the more their reading fluency improved. Who these days couldn’t use a little more fun? Maybe it’s time we parents pick up the violin, too. Or make use of these bright spring evenings to chase a soccer ball with the kids.

source: article by Nancy Shute in US News & World Report on 3/10/08.  www.usnews.com   

tutoring in Columbus OH:   Adrienne Edwards   614-579-6021   or email aedwardstutor@columbus.rr.com

+ “Teaching LD” — Web Site for Professionals and Parents.

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Teaching LD is a service of the Division for Learning Disabilities (DLD) of the Council for Exceptional Children.  Visit the site at www.teachingld.org.

DLD is the largest professional organization focused on Learning Disabilities.

“Teaching LD News” is their free online newsletter, available to non-members.

The purpose of  Teaching LD is to provide trustworthy and up-to-date resources about teaching students with Learning Disabilities. 

Member dues at the “Professional” level are between $100-$200 a year, depending on the state you live in.  There is an “Associate” category at $89 (family and paraprofessionals), as well as lower fees for students and retired people.

Membership entitles you to certain benefits, such as its many publications, including the quarterly journal “Learning Disabilities Research and Practice,” as well as reduced rates for conferences.  

Members can take advantage of multimedia teaching tutorials designed by leading experts in the field of Learning Disabilities; dialogues with leading researchers; the “hotsheets” series which offers quick summaries of effective practices for (for example) homework and phonological awareness; and the full texts of all DLD publications.

Visit the site; even if you don’t become a member, the free newsletter is a source of useful information.

tutoring in Columbus OH:   Adrienne Edwards   614-579-6021   or email aedwardstutor@columbus.rr.com

+ Love and Logic Workshops in June and July 2008

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The Love and Logic Institute will hold the 24th Annual Rocky Mountain Conference in Colorado Springs, Colorado (where they are based) on June 16-21 at the Crowne Plaza Hotel.  Register by February 15 and the $425 fee will be just $385. 

The Twentieth Annual Wichita Conference will be held on July 7-11 at the Hyatt Regency in Wicita, Kansas.  The $290 fee will be only $255 if you register by March 1st.

The 2008 topic is “Classroom Discipline Techniques That Work:  Practical Skills That Make All of Your Other Programs Work Better.”  Learn many easy to use techniques that will make teaching more fun and much less stressful.

The Love and Logic Institute offers no-nonsense parenting and teacher training workshops, in addition to materials and support, especially for situations involving difficult children or behavior disorders.  Thousands of people have found strengthening answers to their problems from Love and Logic books, DVDs and trainings.

Graduate-level credit and CEUs are now available.  In addition, you can become a Love and Logic Trainer.

Call 800-338-4065 (between 7am and 5pm Monday through Friday) and a live person will answer.   Or visit www.loveandlogic.com .

tutoring in Columbus OH:   Adrienne Edwards   614-579-6021   or email  aedwardstutor@columbus.rr.com  

+ The Toddler as Caveman — How to Cope

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An article from the NYT, by Tara Parker-Pope, offers some coping tips for parents of toddlers.    

Dr. Harvey Karp, assistant professor of pediatrics at the University of California, Los Angeles, has turned his attention to the toddler years.

 Pediatrician Dr. Harvey Karp, could be called the “baby-whisperer.”  His uncanny ability to quiet crying babies became the best-selling book “The Happiest Baby on the Block.”  

The Karp method has been endorsed by child advocates.  He has demonstrated his techniques in television appearances.  A DVD version of his book is available, which shows fussy babies who are quickly, almost eerily soothed by a combination of tight swaddling, loud shushing and swinging, which he says mimics the sensations of the womb.   

Now Dr. Karp has tackled the toddler period, that explosive window of development when children learn language, motor skills and problem solving, among other things. 

The rapid pace at which all these changes occur is nothing short of astonishing, but it can also be overwhelming to little brains. A wailing baby is nothing compared with the defiant behavior and tantrums common among toddlers.  

His latest book is “The Happiest Toddler on the Block.”   

Dr. Karp tries to teach parents the skills to communicate with and soothe tantrum-prone children. But in doing so,he redefines what being a toddler means.   

In his view, toddlers are not just small people. In fact, for all practical purposes, they’re not even small Homo sapiens.   

In terms of brain development, he says, a toddler is primitive, an emotion-driven, instinctive creature that has yet to develop the thinking skills that define modern humans.   

The common tools of modern parenting, logic and persuasion, “are meaningless to a Neanderthal,” Dr. Karp says.   The challenge for parents is learning how to communicate with the caveman in the crib.   

Dr. Karp says “All of us get more primitive when we get upset, that’s why they call it ‘going ape.’ But toddlers start out primitive, so when they get upset, they go Jurassic on you.”   

Improving the ways parents cope with crying and tantrums isn’t just a matter of convenience.    “The No. 1 precipitant to child abuse is the kid who cries and gets upset and doesn’t settle down and whines and whines,” says Robert Fox, Director of the behavior clinic at Penfield Children’s Center in Milwaukee. “It’s a real vulnerable situation for abuse.”   

Dr. Karp’s baby program has been endorsed by several government health agencies, leaders of Prevent Child Abuse America and others. Dr. Karp will discuss his toddler program in an address to the Early Head Start program, which provides early childhood services to low-income families.   

For self-counscious parents, however, Dr. Karp’s method of toddler communication may be a problem.    

It involves bringing yourself, both mentally and physically, down to a child’s level when he or she is upset.    

The goal is not to give in to a child’s demands, but to communicate in a child’s own language of “toddler-ese.”    

This means using short phrases.     

With lots of repetition.     

Reflecting the child’s emotions in your tone and facial expressions.    

Most awkwardly of all, it means repeating the child’s exact  words — over and over and over again.   

For instance, a toddler throwing a tantrum over a cookie might wail, “I want it. I want it. I want cookie now.”   Parents want to say soothingly, “No, honey, you have to wait until after dinner for a cookie.”    Such a response will, almost certainly, make matters worse. “It’s loving, logical and reasonable,” notes Dr. Karp. “And it’s infuriating to a toddler. Now they have to say it over harder and louder to get you to understand.”   

Dr. Karp adopts a soothing, childlike voice to demonstrate how to respond to the toddler’s cookie demands and says:    “You want. You want. You want cookie. You say, ‘Cookie, now. Cookie now.’ ”   

It’s hard to imagine an adult talking like this in a public place. But Dr. Karp notes that this is the same form of “active listening” ithat adults use all the time.    The goal is not simply to repeat words, but to make it clear that you hear someone’s complaint. 

“If you were upset and fuming mad, I might say, ‘I know. I know. I know. I get it. I’m really really sorry. I’m sorry.’ That sounds like gibberish out of context,” he says.    

On his DVD, Dr. Karp demonstrates the method. Within seconds, teary-eyed toddlers calm and look at him quizzically as he repeats their concerns back at them.

Once the child has calmed, a parent can explain the reason for saying no, offer the child comfort and a happy alternative to the original demand.   

Dr. Karp also offers methods for teaching children patience, and he suggests regularly giving children small victories — like winning at a game of wrestling.

“If you give them these little victories all day long, when you want them to do something for you, they’re much more likely to do it.”   

Sometimes, of course, excessive tantrums can signal an underlying health problem, so parents with a difficult child should consult with a pediatrician.    

“The thing about toddlers is that they are uncivilized,” Dr. Karp says. “Our job is to civilize them, to teach them to say please and thank you, don’t spit and scratch and don’t pee anywhere you want. These are the jobs you have with a toddler.”   

sole source: NYTimes article of 2/5/08 by Tara Parker-Pope.  www.nytimes.com  

Tutoring in Columbus OH:   Adrienne Edwards   614-579-6021   or email  aedwardstutor@columbus.rr.com

+ Math and Science Success: Parents Make a Difference

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From an article in Education Week, by Sean Cavanagh: 

Researchers are addressing the connection between parental influence and children’s motivation and achievement in math and science.  Educators and policy makers are searching for ways to urge more students to pursue advanced studies and creers in those subjects.

Studies suggest that even subtle prodding, as well as direct encouragement, goes a long way toward determining whether boys — and especially girls — take an interest in math and science as they get older, and whether they thrive academically in them.

A recent study at Penn State and the University of Michigan found that fathers, in particular, have a major influence on whether daughters develop an interest in math. 

It also found that parents tend to do more to encourage their sons than their daughters to develop such interests.  They do so through such actions as buying them more math- and science-related toys, and by voicing stereotypes about girls’ supposed shortcomings in those areas of study.   

Parents Pass on Stereotypes 

The Michigan and Penn State study, published in 2005, was presented at a conference this past May.  Titled, “I Can, But I Don’t Want To: The Impact of Parents, Interests and Activities on Gender Differences in Math“, it expanded on past research showing that parents’ opinions and behaviors are factors in determining chilren’s interest in math and science.  (The report was published by Cambridge University Press as part of a book, Gender Differences in Mathematics: An Integrative Approach.)

According to the study, parents tend to provide more “math supportive” environments for their sons than for their daughters, not only by buying them more math- and science-related toys, books and games, but also by spending more time with them on these subjects and activities.

Parents also hold gender stereotypes and convey them to their children.

Researchers found that fathers’ gender stereotypes are especially strong predictors of children’s interest in math.  The more entrenched the father’s gender stereotype, the less likely his daughter is to take an interest in the subject.  Boys’ interest in math tends to be stronger if the father’s traditional gender biases are stonger.

Mothers’ gender stereotypes about boys having more math talent, by contrast, tend to affect sons and daughters almost equally.  The stronger the mother’s stereotype, the less enthusiasm both sons and daughters had for math.

Similarly, parents can sway children’s opinions of science; this was found in a 2003 study done by researchers at the University of California, Santa Cruz.  The study reported that parents of 11- to – 13-year olds were more likely to believe that science was more difficult and less appealing for their daughters than it was for their sons.

The authors also found that fathers, when teaching their children about science-related subjects, used more probing, sophisticated scientific language and questions with their sons than they did with their daughters.  Those fathers could be “encouraging intellectual engagement” more with their sons than with their daughters.

It has also been found that fathers are more likely than mothers to encourage gender stereotypes among children.  Their tendency to use more demanding scientific language with boys, assuming they can handle it, may reflect that habit, says Campbell Leaper, an author of the California study.

And, according to Leaper, teachers and school peers also convey gender stereotypes about math and science ability, often unintentionally.  On the other hand, he says, many stereotypes about male and female interests and abilities have lessened as professional opportunities for women have increased.

Female students have more role models in math and science than they once did.  Leaper often asks his students haw many of them had a female math teacher in school.  Twenty years ago, few had; today it is much more common.

A key to building girls’ involvement is “increasing teachers’ and parents’ awareness of what [prevalent] biases are, and their awareness that boy and girls are capable of doing equally well in these subjects,” says Mr. Leaper.

“Selling” Math and Science

Gender differences in students’ math and science achievement received considerable attention in the 1980s.  Recent years have seen a resurgence in interest — possibly because of increasing concerns about the shortage of students, especially women, entering technical, engineering, and other such fields.

While both boys and girls tend to lose interest in math and science as they move from elementary to high school, girls’ interest and confidence falls off more sharply (according to the National Center for Education Statistics).

Boys outperform girls in math and science across grades on the National Assessment of Educational Progress (NAEP) and on several of the math- and science-related Advanced Placement exams.  Also, relatively few women pursue postsecondary studies in fields such as engineering and computer science.  Business leaders and others say that overall trend robs the US of skilled workers and entrepreneurs.

Yul Inn, the founder of the Fun Math Club (a Cupertino-based company through which he offers specialized math lessons and hands-on projects and activities to schools and individuals), says many parents want to encourage their children in math and science but don’t know how.

He stages “family math nights,” where children and parents work on math activities together.  He urges parents to discuss math in less formal ways than their children are likely to encounter in school.

Pieter Noordam, a parent who attended Mr. Inn’s sessions, says any parent can promote math at home.  Ask your children, he says, to make sense of what they see   – in a museum, on the street, or in a garage.  Good mathematics is part of good parenting.

source: Education Week article by Sean Cavanagh on 11/15/07 (www.edweek.org)

tutoring in Columbus OH:   Adrienne Edwards   614-579-6021   or email  aedwardstutor@columbus.rr.com